Yes, it is in my genes, but I wonder if the excess anger, which is also a part of my children's lives, is also in the genes or is a part of some chain of past life rage that we carry around, and never shed. I have decided to shed it. As happened when I went back to therapy to control my anger, not to get rid of it because as I told Dr. Trook, it has saved my life on more than one occasion, I want to have the ability to become angry and to let that anger fuel my actions to change the things that make me angry, read here injustice and war and man's inhumanity to man, but not to let it rule my life. The love of drama is a bit harder to give up, but I would rather have interesting but not necessarily crisis mode, which has been my favorite mode these past few years, decades, life? So, yes, I want the ability to fight back efficiently and successfully, without drama.
sometimes
"Beware of feeling yourself unfairly treated."
The Course in Miracles
sometimes
despite the best made plans
life throws you lemons
a spanner in the works
and when you've prayed,
thought, meditated
sat silently before a teacher
humbled yourself before your god
it hurts to find yourself so human
so prone to hurt and disappointment
to bitter rage, a pacifist converted
to a raging killer, sometimes
the years drop far away
and you behave in adolescent
ways you had forgotten;
you scream obscenities
at life, the way things are,
the rain on a June Saturday,
the pissing of the cat
on your wool jacket, sometimes
the best that one can hope for
is a quiet recollection as the storm
is beating on the roof, a moment
of sincere apology for rants, sometimes
in letting go of rage,
a smile wells up within
the confines of the belly
and grows and grows and grows.
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